Playing with others was overwhelming. Seeking Advice

[Victor F]

I don't have any prior music training I have been playing concertina 4 months and self-teaching how to read sheet music and practicing tunes.

 

Some of my musician friends invited me to a jam session to try playing some music together and it was really overwhelming. I found I was lacking in a lot of ways. I struggled with communicating aspects of music. I wasn't able to listen to other people playing and play along or improvise. I wasn't able to maintain an even tempo. My friends were chill about it I found the experience as a whole pretty embarrassing for myself. 

 

What are things I can do to get better? My current strategy of just practicing tunes seems inadequate if I would like to someday play with others. 

[David Colpitts]

Sounds to me like more ear might be in order.  Can you hear the tune in your head?  Can you whistle it? If those work, then I'd concentrate more on a tune or more that you might expect to play  than on self-teaching sheet music reading, at least for playing in jam sessions.  But, what sort of jams?  What genre(s) tunes? What kind of concertina?  Many people here know a ton more than I do, and they'll probably weigh in.  For my purposes, I needed to get a tune in my head, and then would play at speed only the notes I was sure of...skip the others.  I don't think anyone will care if you don't play 'em all; they might care if you clank away and hit the bad ones.  Maybe work playing one tune to start?  I learned from someone here, "You don't play a tune until you get it right.  You play a tune until you can't get it wrong!" 

 

Mostly, follow the fun....if playing at sessions "hurts," then just listen and smile.   Listening and watching is great practice, too.

[Steve Schulteis]

After only 4 months, that sounds completely reasonable. Your friends probably didn't expect anything more when they invited you to join them; they just wanted to share their love of music and encourage you in your playing. Everybody starts at the beginning.

 

One of the best things you can do to improve is to keep playing with other people. It's a different thing from playing solo, and it forces you to fix weaknesses that would be easy to ignore otherwise. Playing with recordings or a metronome can help build some of the same skills. Recording video of yourself and watching it later is also great for revealing the truth of what you're doing. And hang on to some of those early recordings - in a few years, you'll be able to look back and see how far you've come.

 

You should also ask your friends what they think you should focus on in your practice. They've actually observed your playing, and while they may not have a clue how to play a concertina, they can probably tell you what you need to work on to mesh more with the group and develop a better sense of musicality. There's tons to learn from players of other instruments.

[Roo boy]

Don't feel despondent.

Imagine you are learning French, and attended a dinner party in Paris with total strangers. The whole experience will be overwhelming, you thought you could speak fairly good French before you left home, but could not keep up with the conversation. This is natural while you are learning. 

Continue to throw yourself in these situations. Each time you will understand a little more of the conversation, and contribute a little more each time.

[Jillser Nic Amhlaoibh]

What genre/genres of music are you learning? If this was an irish traditional music session you went to there wouldn't be improvisation happening really so that wouldn't be something to worry about - folks just play the tunes though there may be slight differences in how each player plays due to choice and placement of ornaments in the tune and/or subtle variations.

 

Certainly at only 4 months into playing with no past musical background you shouldn't be beating yourself up over struggling to keep up. Again, you don't say what type of music your learning but playing along to tunes at a speed you can manage (using slow down software, or playing along to YouTube videos and using the slow down option in settings for example) is a good way to get used to playing along with other instruments and not getting knocked out of your stride, it allows you to confidently play at speeds you can manage and then over time to incrementally increase the speed. If you're playing any irish traditional tunes then the old Wellington Sessions tune archive is a great resource - loads of commonly played tunes available and the ability to slow them down and loop certain parts as well:

 

https://irish.session.nz/

 

Committing tunes to memory vs. depending on the sheet music can also help as when playing along with others you'll have more bandwidth to respond to how others are playing in the group rather than having most of your bandwidth taken up with focusing on the sheet music.

[Peter Laban]

Playing with others is a skill to be learned.

 

I am not sure a session is the appropriate place to do it though. Go to uour session and listen, take it all in. Learn the tunes and perhaps get used to playing them with someone you know and are comfortable with In a private  space before venturing out. It's better for your confidence, for one, and you can develop your skill without the additional pressure of doing it in public.

 

 

[RAc]

A good strategy to simulate "real life" ensemble playing would be what @Jillser Nic Amhlaoibh suggested, but you can take it even a step back - playing against a metronome is the "most simple" form or getting used to playing with distractions because the metronome does not force you to align your playing with the tune, only the next beat. Next step up would be metronome practice mode, a backing track, then sound files, then utobe videos. Also, Michael Eskin's tune trainer is a true game changer.

 

The important thing to remember is that each next level will be frustrating at first because to you it will feel as if you start from scratch every time. Accept it as a challenge and part of your journey. There are few more satisfactory moments in a musician's life than the feeling that you finally cracked a nut after it looked like an impossible endavour for so long.

Edited February 25 by RAc

[SIMON GABRIELOW]

You have already taken the first step to getting over that little hurdle of ' playing with others' by actually doing the playing already.  And so you have already resolved what you feel you need to improve on, and you will find you will eventually begin to learn from those findings soon enough.  Perhaps practice more on your own to get technique polished up - or record yourself, [if you can dare to] and then accompany your own recordings, [you can do this in peace in your own time] and the emerge into the world refreshed and playing brilliantly!😊

[gcoover]

Feels like you've left the back roads and suddenly ended up on the freeway, doesn't it? Nothing to be embarrassed about, we've all been there. Excellent advice so far from everyone - listen and learn, sit back and quietly play what you can. When I first went to sessions I often just defaulted to drones or chords (mainly open fifths).

 

Some Irish sessions can be brutal if you don't already play the tunes up to speed, but it sounds like your friends were glad to have you along and are encouraging on your journey. Find out what tunes they like to play and become familiar with them as you become more familiar with your instrument and you'll do fine.

 

Practicing is totally different than playing with other folks, but turn your panic into active learning and you'll catch up much more quickly than if you are sitting at home playing. When practicing you probably stop and start if you hit a note you don't like, but playing in a group environment teaches you to keep going no matter what - the show must go on. You'll get there eventually, we're all pulling for you!

 

Gary

Edited February 25 by gcoover

[Mike Franch]

Bravo and congratulations! Only four months, and your playing with friends! One thing I've always been grateful for, even if personally mortified by my inadequate skills, is that my being able to do anything on my instrument is my ticket for sitting in with people who are far better players than I am.

 

I find it's an advantage for me that my preferred musical genre is English country dance, for which the Barnes Books of English Country Dance Tunes are the standard source. Friends and I get together and play tunes from this standard source. Also from the various Waltz Books. This is playing from sheet music, but I think it builds skills for playing by ear.

 

And while I often find myself disappointed and frustrated by my level of playing, I still find it magical that I can play anything!

[Victor F]

Thanks everyone for the advice and support. I am going to keep learning and growing and hopefully be able to play with others and enjoy the process.