Concertina Limericks

[JimLucas]

LDT gets us to spout

On topics we thought we'd worn out,

But she gives it a spin

And sucks us right in

And, presto! It's fresh as a sprout!

OK, Mutt, this one's for you :

Some Alaskans support Sarah Palin,

And some of them like to go whalin'.

But I know one old geezer,

Who's a Lachenal squeezer,

And he gets my toe tappin', no failin'.

[Henk van Aalten]

OK, Mutt, this one's for you :

Some Alaskans support Sarah Palin,

And some of them like to go whalin'.

But I know one old geezer,

Who's a Lachenal squeezer,

And he gets my toe tappin', no failin'.

Well although it's not my native language I give it a try:

 

There once was a squeezer from Denmark

He squeezed his cute anglo in the park

But she said to him

Oh come on dear Jim

I'd like you to squeeze me in the dark

[MandolinRefugee]

To avoid squeeze box innuendo

A gent did a lady befriend-o

He played the 'tina

She played ocarina

Together they reached their crescendo

[fidjit]

A thirty button push puller from Bow

Could only play tunes on one row

If they all think I stink

Wos wot 'e did fink

Then I'll give t'other row a go

[miikae]

Thank you Mr C W & Mr L L too

For where would we be without you

Plucking and strumming bits o string

Tapping skins with sticks that don’t ring

Blowing up bags with wind not nitro

Hitting a triangle for an intro

 

Singing a tune with husky voice

Or driving around in a Rolls Royce

Listening to CDs oh what a bore

Plus lots & lots & a lot more

Just sit and squeeze your time away

For twil soon be Christmas day

 

So pull push pull not in a rush

Turkeys on the table sound all a hush

Eat till your full don’t fall on the floor

Concertinas waiting for you to play more

So to burn off the fuel that the dinner gave

Then go out in the evening for a wee rave

 

A merry Christmas to you all

Eat and enjoy both one and all

A Happy new year to you all too

Keep squeezing Tina don’t be blue

Smile be happy you know it makes sense

The worlds your oyster and so immense

[JimLucas]

To avoid squeeze box innuendo

A gent did a lady befriend-o

He played the 'tina

She played ocarina

Together they reached their crescendo

Speaking of

ocarina

.

[MandolinRefugee]

Speaking of

ocarina

.

 

Just in time for the holidays!! Broccoli comes in handy sometimes

[michael sam wild]

To avoid squeeze box innuendo

A gent did a lady befriend-o

He played the 'tina

She played ocarina

Together they reached their crescendo

 

Best yet I reckon , just needs a tweak

[DavidFR]

Here's one:

 

Don't always be quiet and mellow

My father at me used to bellow

So I took his advice

thought "'tinas are nice"

Now he thinks I'm a capital fellow!

[groeswenphil]

A lady called Catherina

would squeeze her old concertina.

She'd care not a fig

for a reel or a jig

but loved to play Macarena

 

Phil

[Richard Morse]

And here's a couple, the winning limerick and haiku from this year's NESI contest. There's something about the spoken word....

 

-- Rich --

[drbones]

Sometimes, when I lie awake at night, I think this might be my fate for playing so badly.

 

 

A pirate who played concertina

Hailed from old Fernandina

The constable caught him

And proceeded to flog him

He should’ve stayed in the cantina.

 

When finally the beating was done

Ten men came out with their guns

He was tied to a post

offered one final toast

But said “Give me my squeezebox ye bums!”

 

The constable thought this was odd

But still gave an approving nod.

When the squeezebox was brought

It was tied in a knot

And the pirate proceeded to sob.

 

The constable seeing this said

“Now you have nothing to dread”

They lead him away

And the very next day

The bastards hung him instead.

[drbones]

Down by the docks

There was a girl with gold locks

And she was squeezing an old concertina

“What’s that thing?” I queried

And, Oh, are you married?

She said “Get lost ye stupid hyena”

 

I was quite taken back

By this vicious attack

I thought I'd be foolish to stay

But I stood my ground

And with no one around

I pushed her butt in the bay

[Chris Drinkwater]

Some musos decided, for fun,

To play Fred Pidgeon's polka No.1.

But they talked and drank beer,

And came over so queer,

They never got past the first run!

 

Chris

Edited December 14, 2008 by Chris Drinkwater

[JimLucas]

[to be recited with a Down East accent]

There once was a fine concertina,

Whose "player" just couldn't be keener.

She could play to submission

Any so-called "musician",

Even those with a temperament meaner.

[LDT]

There once was a young lady called Sarah,

who about music didn't care a.

Until a concertina she did try,

I've played a tune she said,

the end must be nigh!

[MandolinRefugee]

To avoid squeeze box innuendo

A gent did a lady befriend-o

He played the 'tina

She played ocarina

Together they reached their crescendo

 

Best yet I reckon , just needs a tweak

 

How about this one:

 

To avoid squeezebox innuendo

They played so their notes well did blend-o

Whilst in a duet

They started to sweat

And together, they reached their crescendo.

 

 

(I'm all about continuous improvement )

Edited December 13, 2008 by MandolinRefugee

[Chris Drinkwater]

There was a young lady from Spain,

Who's favourite duet was the Crane.

Nothing could be finer,

Than her fugue in E minor,

Which she greatly enjoyed, playing it time and time again.

 

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A talented young musician from *Devizes,

Played concertinas of all types, shapes and sizes.

His renditions of much-loved classical scores,

Often brought huge spontaneous applause,

And also won him many first prizes.

 

*A small town in the county of Wiltshire, England.

 

Chris