Out of the mouths of babes.

[Bill N]

I heard a good joke at NECW ( Q: What's the difference between an onion and a concertina? A: The concertina is marked for easy slicing.) which I relayed to my wife. Last night she started to tell it at the dinner table, and my teenage son came up with, I think, a better punch line.

 

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a concertina?

A: Dad doesn't play an onion 24 hours a day.

 

 

[David Barnert]

I heard a good joke at NECW ( Q: What's the difference between an onion and a concertina? A: The concertina is marked for easy slicing.) which I relayed to my wife. Last night she started to tell it at the dinner table, and my teenage son came up with, I think, a better punch line.

 

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a concertina?

A: Dad doesn't play an onion 24 hours a day.

 

 

That was me telling the joke.

 

The other answer, of course, is "Nobody cries when you slice up a concertina." That one I first heard as a viola joke, but the one I told in Sunderland doesn't work for violas.

[Bill N]

That was me telling the joke.

 

The other answer, of course, is "Nobody cries when you slice up a concertina." That one I first heard as a viola joke, but the one I told in Sunderland doesn't work for violas.

 

Yes, I thought it was a good concertina specific joke. The "Nobody cries.." punchline I have heard applied to banjos and bagpipes as well!

 

My son's response may not be as universally funny, but was a good insight into how the family feels about my new obsession!

[Rhomylly]

I agree, your son's answer was much funnier!

[Hereward]

I agree, your son's answer was much funnier!

 

The spontaneous element makes it funnier I think.

 

Ian

[Chris Ghent]

One of my sons came into the living room a while back and said to me with a straight face "Dad, I just wanted to check that you know if you stop moving your hands like that the noise will stop..?"

 

Chris

[Henrik Müller]

...

The other answer, of course, is "Nobody cries when you slice up a concertina."

...

It seems like this one - from the bodhran-family of jokes - is likely to be applied (by some people) to concertinas:

 

"What's the best way to play the concertina?"

- "With a sharp penknife"

 

/Henrik

[david_boveri]

i really like your sons answer. it's good to know that everyone's family hates the concertina. in my house, my little brother could play the trumpet all day in the living room, my brother can play the guitar at 5 in the morning if he wants, but if i take out that concertina on the first floor of the house, or play it between the hours of 10:00pm and noon, i'm practically murdered.

[Mikefule]

...

The other answer, of course, is "Nobody cries when you slice up a concertina."

...

It seems like this one - from the bodhran-family of jokes - is likely to be applied (by some people) to concertinas:

 

"What's the best way to play the concertina?"

- "With a sharp penknife"

 

/Henrik

 

I think it's "What's the best thing to play on a [choose instrument]?" "A flame thrower."

[Bill N]

I think it's "What's the best thing to play on a [choose instrument]?" "A flame thrower."

 

 

How about:

 

Q: What's the definition of "perfect pitch" when it comes to a concertina?

 

A: When it doesn't hit the sides of the dumpster!

[fiddlerjoebob]

I think it's "What's the best thing to play on a [choose instrument]?" "A flame thrower."

 

 

How about:

 

Q: What's the definition of "perfect pitch" when it comes to a concertina?

 

A: When it doesn't hit the sides of the dumpster!

 

 

or when it lands on the melodion

 

fjb

[Fergus_fiddler]

One of the most cruel ones to tell a piper in a session:

 

- How do you get two pipers in tune?

- Killing one.

 

Other tipycal session jokes:

 

- Why is better a guitar that a fiddle?

- It burns longer.

 

- What's the difference between a piano accordion player and a murderer?

- The murderer has friends.

 

Festival of Humour at C.Net

 

Cheers,

 

Fer

[David Barnert]

- It burns longer.

This is the original prototype musical instrument joke, curtesy of Victor Borge. Part of his monologue went something like this:

 

My father was a musician. He played the viola in the Copenhagen Philharmonic Orchestra and it always bothered him that so many people didn't know the difference between a viola and a violin. It particularly bothered him because he was one of them. You do know the difference between a viola and a violin, don't you? The viola burns longer.

[hit & miss]

Q. Do you know what a gentleman is?

A. Someone who can play the bagpipes, but dosent.

[m3838]

Soo funny! I'm truly amazed.

Q: what is the difference between musical instrument jokes tellers and most other people?

A: the joke tellers THINK they have sense of humor, most other people DO.

[david_boveri]

Q. Do you know what a gentleman is?

A. Someone who can play the bagpipes, but dosent.

 

a gentleman is someone who plays the concertina ONLY WHEN IT IS REQUESTED OF HIM.

 

fat chance.

[David Levine]

Then there's the old one about the accordion player visiting New York City. He stayed out late one night playing and drinking. When he got back to his hotel he parked on the street but he was a little tipsy and he left his accordion in plain view in the back seat. When he woke up in the morning he remembered what he'd done and raced back to his car. He saw that somebody had broken into his car during the night. In the back seat he found two more accordions.

Edited May 3, 2009 by David Levine

[JimLucas]

i really like your sons answer. it's good to know that everyone's family hates the concertina. in my house, my little brother could play the trumpet all day in the living room, my brother can play the guitar at 5 in the morning if he wants, but if i take out that concertina on the first floor of the house, or play it between the hours of 10:00pm and noon, i'm practically murdered.

Well, I can't speak about a wife and kids, but I've certainly found plenty of people who enjoy my playing, including a neighbor whose "only complaint" about my practicing at 3:00 in the morning was that she couldn't hear me well enough. (She did also say that she really wished I would take up the highland pipes.)

 

I admit that there have also been a few who didn't like my playing -- or simply the sound of the concertina, -- but they've been far outnumbered by those who dance to my music (adults, as well as children) or even ask to try my instrument, when I play on the street.

 

But getting back to the punch line from Bill N's son: Was it actially a complaint, or simply an observation of fact?