It's Time To Block Those Mental Blocks!

[bellowbelle]

What verbal 'curses' (from other people) pop up and act as mental blocks, for you personally, when you try to play music in particular situations? (It's time to block them right back, of course!)

 

Maybe I'm just a bit extra-introspective lately, because of a few visits to a psychotherapist recently (not about this issue, in particular).

 

For example, any time I've tried, successfully or not, to play music with another musician, I mentally hear and see a 'significant other' musician from way back in my past who yelled at me angrily, with prophetic intent, 'YOU'LL NEVER PLAY WITH ANYONE!' As I recall, after trying very hard today to remember what made him explode like that, he was mad about me bringing up his social habits at the time which, in my opinion, were too compromising. (In other words, he apparently felt that unless he joined in with certain social activities, he wouldn't get any gigs.)

 

Well, for the record, I had played with others before then; but, ever since that time, which was surrounded by enormously much more related turmoil than simply this 'curse,' I seldom can play along with even a recording of someone else's playing without the whole scene playing over again in my head!

 

Today, though, I successfully enjoyed playing along with a recording, it was lots of fun, and things seem to be improving. Yay!

 

Like I said, I didn't seek counselling due to this mental block, but, I guess I decided to deal with it today.

 

And as far as 'social compromising' goes, well, first of all, I'm not trying to please anyone in order to get a gig. (If I were trying to land a gig, well....I don't think I'd do much differently, except be better at playing, maybe!) Secondly, if I play music with someone else, well, then -- that's all it is. We're playing music. The end. It doesn't mean I am endorsing or joining whatever lifestyle or habits they have, and, why on earth should it?

[m3838]

When I came to the US, I was of the opinion that if I do something with others, these others must be either my friends, or I would assume they share many of my beleives.

It took me 15 years to learn (half way) the discipline of NOT engaging in activity that is outside of the purpose of our gathering (I'm such a clumsy writer, my God).

Now I at least understand and am aware of the expectations. I understand why people considered me rude, when I was totally unaware of. A jam session is not a place for political exchange. A political debate is not a place for medical advices. Etc. It's very different from the manners in Russia, where people generally DON'T interact with strangers, and where significant element of rudenes is a norm. But people there, in the old Motherland, don't move much. They tend to stick with the places of their birth and most of the people they know, they know for years and years. It's very forgiving situation, that doesn't even need a discipline. Here in the States, where you meet people from across the Globe, with different views, where you move about the country like crazy, where you need quick contact, that doesn't go deep - the discipline is your survival kit. I remember sending email to the whole company on 9th of May to remind people of the defeat of Nazi Germany. I was getting very heated replies, I couldn't understand. Now I do. It WAS unethical to do so. Very ethno-centric. People do remember the WWII, but they keep it up appropriately.

So no, it's not a business of mine what political or social or any other activity people are engaged in, if the gathering is not about them particularly. Rather boring, but nobody asked me to come here, right? Respect has it's own pecularities.

[Alan Day]

I have similar strange curses which are extremely annoying.

In a session with a pub packed out with people,in my Lodge where I am the organist(on my concertina),

I am playing for at least forty to sixty people per meeting,I can play solo without any nerves,worries or hangups.I may make the odd mistake but that is not due to nerves.However with an audience of even a few people sitting down and wanting me to entertain them eg A Folk Club, my nerves take over.Why I just do not know.It is something that has bugged me for the total time I have been in Folk Music. A recording session with the band for dancing no problem.I played in front of about two thousand people in France and a similar number at Knebworth at a charity concert. Perhaps I should begin my concert spot with "Now please talk amongst yourselves".

It takes a lot of courage M3838 to admit mistakes and that you have learnt from them.

Well done

Al

Edited March 27, 2006 by Alan Day

[JimLucas]

If I didn't have my mental blocks, what would I use to build my mental concepts?

[Rhomylly]

I freeze up when playing (or singing) in front of friends, but I don't -- as much -- if the audience is total strangers.

 

I expect friends and family to be more critical (as the child of not one but two music teachers, it's not an unreasonable expectation), or to at least know how the music is supposed to go. Strangers may or may not know that.

[Peter Brook]

I freeze up when playing (or singing) in front of friends, but I don't -- as much -- if the audience is total strangers.

 

I expect friends and family to be more critical (as the child of not one but two music teachers, it's not an unreasonable expectation), or to at least know how the music is supposed to go. Strangers may or may not know that.

 

You probably "care more" when playing to family and friends as well - especially if that is not the norm.

[Rhomylly]

Oh yes, Peter, that too.

[lildogturpy]

I find it is definitely not the criticism that makes me nervous when playing on front of others but exactly what Peter said, my wishing to play well. I think I'm lucky in that when I practice or play I tend to judge myself against how well I want to, or can play rather than those around me. If I'm not really worried about playing well (or badly) I tend to play better and be able to recover from screw ups more comfortably. As soon as I WANT to play well, my fingers seem to get disconnected from the rest of me and I just can't move them the same way. As soon as that happens I can't force things to get better, trying tends to get me through the tune but doesn't improve my playing. It seems counter intuitive but when I want to play well I have to plan ahead of time not to care if I play well.

 

Another thing I have found when I start to get nervous is to conciously do the things I normally do when playing. I tend to stare at the fingers of a fiddle player I'm playing with, not so I can see what they are doing but it's just a habit I've developed. It stops me looking at peoples faces or becoming distracted by other things happening around me. When I get nervous, for some reason I start to look around and get distracted. If I force myself to go back to my habits then things improve. The only down side is if the fiddle player feels self concious because I'm staring at their fingers

[Mark Evans]

Great topic Wendy. Dissaproval from a significant other can really play a head trip...really.

 

A good buddy of mine sings and plays bass in a local bluegrass band. What a song bird with great yodel to boot. She unfortunately was married to a jackass know-nothin' who really made her feel bad about her voice, in particular over one song "The Train Carryin' Jimmie Rodgers Home". Now the "ex" is gone and her singing is really coming along except the afore mentioned song.

 

One of her band mates complained that she was "way too tight" when singing the song. She let him have it with both barrels...wow! After that she sings the ever loving beejeezuz ot of it. Jimmie gets brought home in style. The band mate is missin' a few plugs a' hair but is very happy with the result.

 

How bout' mentally givin' your 'ex" the ole Boston single finger salute each time you want to make music with others.

[david_boveri]

my brother used to yell at me all the time about how horrible i was, how i couldnt keep time, etc. he would never try to help me, or even show me where i was off, or explain to me how i was off, he would just yell that i "sucked" and constantly attack me for it even when i was not playing. it got to the point where i couldnt even play any more, i would bring an instrument to my face and i didnt have the will to let a sound out. even if i tried to sneak it, playing a whistle with the air just slight enough to hear pitch but no sound, he would know and yell at me still.

 

i've gotten over it now, but i think that there is still an aversion not to practice. when i have a proper setting, like a practice room, i have no problem starting. when i practice at home, i often find myself thinking about practicing all day, instead of actually starting. once i start, no matter what anyone says, i dont get discouraged, because i've gone past caring what people think of my playing, besides as an outlet for growth. because i didnt realize it was a problem til recently, i still associate practicing with negativity, though i no longer associate it with my own worth.

 

i hope talking about it and hearing other stories helps! you had played with other people, so his statement was a lie, as you pointed out. i often want to believe something someone says just because they said it, whether or not it has any validity.

 

for me, i realized that i WAS playing too fast, and wasnt keeping time. i knew that it didnt mean i sucked, it meant that i had a destination for sound that i was incapable of achieving at the time. so i reworked how i approached music, and have gotten almost to where i had in mind so long ago (i.e. my technique, but not repertoire). however, now i have new goals in mind, so i cant enjoy the mediocrity that i dreamed of .

 

as for playing with other people... dont worry, i dont play with anybody besides my grandma and sometimes my uncle, and i'm just fine with that.

[cnrobinson]

I have played in front of audiences, one way and another, for over 20 years now. I much prefer playing with a band than solo. It is microphones that throw me! Sessions, folk clubs, used to do loads of weddings and socials (there is a thriving 'black market', ie tax free, in ceilidhs and barn dances in London and the South East), and even Morris gave me no troubles. BUT someone just has to say those magic words - "I am making a recording and I want you to play on it" - and my fingers go into rigor mortis!

 

I would recommend playing with other musicians - it speeds up the learning process no end!

 

Chris

[Alan Day]

I have always thought that any new instrument takes about 18 months before an audience will enjoy your playing.I am not including here the naturally gifted that can play any instrument to professional standards in weeks.

I know that when I started on my German Concertina that after a few weeks I put my family off it for good.I recognised that it would be a long job and thirty five years later I am still working on it.( now a Jeffries)

Practicing is difficult where a family is involved, all they hear is the noise not your slow progression. You have to understand that David and not get hung up on it. A person who is now considered the best Hurdy Gurdy player in the World, was absolutely dreadful at timing when he was younger.He was OK until he started playing the Trompett (the thing that creates the percussion by buzzing).As soon as this player started that up he got excited and away went the timing at a frantic pace.His playing then was incredible, but it was most difficult to hold him back.After attending a Music College they knocked it out of him,so even the best players have problems. Many others get their timing so wrong you have to look at the music to see the title to recognise the tune they are playing.

A lot of my practicing was in the car pulled into a lay bye in fifteen minute bursts.I was so engrosed that one day a huge West Indian trucker was head and shoulders in the car beside me listening.To say I jumped when I looked up is an understatement.

By talking things over the problem becomes easier,to hold it back makes the problem bigger and worse than it should be.

I have it now Mark before my concert performance I give a one finger salute to the audience.Now why didn't I think of that.

Al

[jburke]

Related to this is how you respond when you hit that mental block...or brick wall.A friend has a

terrible habit of loudly voicing 'shit!' when he encounters a mental block...in public performance.

Thank goodness this was curbed in really large venues, he only did it when in small groups. I've

heard others do this too. It's a terrible habit, and only draws attention to your clam, which is

not what you really want. You're not a CD, you're human. A Pro picks up the

tune somewhere past the 'dropout' of information and continues. Or repeats the last section and

goes on. Singers, if you choke on a verse, start the verse over or repeat the last chorus and continue.

This is graceful and perfectly acceptable. Remember the reason we have 32 versions of every folk song and

tune is because no one can remember exactly how it goes all of the time.

 

When I get nervous about performing, it means I have not practiced enough, I don't know the tune or song in my bones, and i'm not thinking about the music enough. Forget about yourself and think only of the music.

 

Jewels

[JimLucas]

I knew this subject sounded familiar. It's closely related to the discussion "Performance Problems, stage fright?", and some of the suggested "tricks" are the same.

 

So rather than repeat what I said then (including the fact that what works for me seems to be the opposite of what works for Alan), here's the link. If you don't want to read my whole lengthy post, do a ctl-F search for Alan's name to see the specific bit I'm referring to.

 

I certainly wouldn't recommend this method, reported (but not used, as far as I know) by Stuart Estell.

[david_boveri]

I have always thought that any new instrument takes about 18 months before an audience will enjoy your playing.I am not including here the naturally gifted that can play any instrument to professional standards in weeks.

I know that when I started on my German Concertina that after a few weeks I put my family off it for good.I recognised that it would be a long job and thirty five years later I am still working on it.( now a Jeffries)

Practicing is difficult where a family is involved, all they hear is the noise not your slow progression. You have to understand that David and not get hung up on it. A person who is now considered the best Hurdy Gurdy player in the World, was absolutely dreadful at timing when he was younger.He was OK until he started playing the Trompett (the thing that creates the percussion by buzzing).As soon as this player started that up he got excited and away went the timing at a frantic pace.His playing then was incredible, but it was most difficult to hold him back.After attending a Music College they knocked it out of him,so even the best players have problems. Many others get their timing so wrong you have to look at the music to see the title to recognise the tune they are playing.

A lot of my practicing was in the car pulled into a lay bye in fifteen minute bursts.I was so engrosed that one day a huge West Indian trucker was head and shoulders in the car beside me listening.To say I jumped when I looked up is an understatement.

By talking things over the problem becomes easier,to hold it back makes the problem bigger and worse than it should be.

I have it now Mark before my concert performance I give a one finger salute to the audience.Now why didn't I think of that.

Al

 

haha, its nice to hear that other people need to have the timing knocked into them. only took me about 7 years.

[John Wild]

A person who is now considered the best Hurdy Gurdy player in the World, was absolutely dreadful at timing when he was younger.

 

At Kilve recently I heard a marvellous poem titled. 'Until I saw your foot'

 

If you do a Google search for the poet Heather Wastie, you can read it. I would post the text here except that I am unsure of the copyright position.

 

- John Wild

[Rhomylly]

John, that is a great poem! I must memorize it!

[bellowbelle]

If I didn't have my mental blocks, what would I use to build my mental concepts?

 

Uh... ...Was going to try to respond, but, well...mental block.

 

Interesting, to read everyone's posts!

 

I'd kind of like to drum up something interesting to say but I'm so dead tired, it's not a possibility right now. ZZzzzz....