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How To Get The Blood Off Your Concertina

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This came by e-mail. I've seen versions concerning accordions and melodeons as well. Given the current chatter here about morris dancing, I thought this was particularly apt. Enjoy.


How to get the Blood off Your Concertina

By Bored Borinson


There are many ways to get blood off a concertina. Usually I prefer

to discuss how to get it on there, but for now we'll consider the

problem of removal.


Pour any flammable spirit onto the instrument. Don't worry if any

spills beyond the area of the stain, this won't affect the end result.

Now set light to it. (Please note this is best done in an open space

when there's no one around who might get injured - at least no one we

care about - A town square during a morris dance display is ideal.)


Using a drill bit at least half the size again as the stain, drill

out the marked area. Don't worry, this will not adversely affect

the sound of the instrument. Quite the contrary.


Attach sandpaper to the head of an industrial weight sledgehammer.

The grade of sandpaper used is irrelevant. Now let the hammer head

fall onto the marked area from as great a height as you please.

Repeat this until the mark is completely gone.

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When I read this topic introduction my first thought was

"Surely David has not taken his concertina into the Operating Theatre".

I should have known better.



Do you really put that past him? I don't.

Although I have never brought my concertina into the operating room, my sig certainly suggests I have thought about it.


As it happens, one of my patients yesterday asked me to sing to her. I had done a spinal and as we were waiting for it to set, she asked me if I liked to sing, and when I said yes, she asked if I would sing to her. But here's the weird part: In my 20+ year career as an anesthesiologist, three patients have asked me to sing to them. It was in three different situations: one was getting nervous as we prepared to move her from the holding area to the OR and asked me to sing to her as we were wheeling her down the hall, one asked me to sing as she was going to sleep, and this one when the spinal was taking effect. But there were similarities, as well. All three were women of the "baby boomer" generation (born in the 1950s or 60s). And...


:blink: -- THEY ALL ASKED FOR THE SAME SONG!!! -- :blink:


It's amazing. When yesterday's asked me if I liked to sing, and then if I'd sing for her, I just knew what was coming next. It's a song that not only have I known all my life, but the harmony line is so ingrained that when I start singing it and the patient starts singing along, I switch to harmony.


So what was the song?


I wouldn't be surprised if somebody guesses it, so I'll hold off spilling the beans for now.

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Dunno, but I'd request 'Wake me up before you go go' by Wham :D

Good one, Andy.


There are so many good candidates....

I like Gershwin's "Let's call the whole thing off".



However, for no good reason I'm guessing "Somewhere over the rainbow".

revised guess: "Amazing Grace".


I asked 3 people. The only answer I got was "Yesterday". Hmmm, the frontrunner?

Edited by Stephen Mills
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The answer:


You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray.

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.




To me, this makes much more sense than a Beatles song. For a boomer, Beatles songs meant empowerment. Our parents didn't sing Beatles songs. They were only for us.


"You Are My Sunshine" was what our parents sang to us to tuck us in at night. It is comforting and tells us that someone who loves us is taking care of us (and without invoking religious imagery). When a frightened surgical patient wants to be sung to, that's how they want to be treated.


And three times out of three, that's the song they chose.

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