Wife Vs Concertina: The Final Chapter

[BillErickson]

Some of you might remember the topic I posted a while back regarding the problems I was having with my wife and her "issues" with my concertina.

 

Alas, things have not improved. One of the major reasons that attracted me to the concertina was in having an instrument I could always keep around to play during any random spare moment. But since my wife has made it clear that she won't tolerate me playing within ear-shot, and since she does tend to be around during many of those random spare moments, it just isn't working out.

 

I've posted another thread in the Buy-and-Sell forum, but wanted to say "Thank You" here to all you marvelous people who have helped me during my "Concertina Adventure." This is one of the best internet communities I've ever run across. If all internet forums were as nice as this one, the web would be a much better place.

 

Farewell,

 

Bill Erickson.

[Alan Day]

A sad farewell Bill,

My wife is a concertina widow and to be honest it is difficult to maintain a happy relationship, with the amount I play,however compaired to the trumpet now in the loft,the concertina was a better option for my wife to put up with.The majority of my early years of practicing were in laybyes in between cold calling when I was a salesman and it became a way of overcoming stress. Nobody had to listen to me going over and over tunes and scales,only me.

I understand your problem,I have not won,but you have lost.

Thanks for being so honest with us.

Al

Ps Do you want to buy a trumpet?

[Chris Timson]

I guess I could try and make some foolish sort of joke here (always a temptation for me), but I won't try. Anne, my partner, is currently trying to cram 5 years of learning into 1 in her attempt to learn the fiddle, and I am supporting her wholeheartedly, because (among other things) that's what a partnership is about. But, clearly, sometimes with the best will in the world it just doesn't work out, and that's sad. Perhaps things will change for the better one day and we'll see you back here.

 

Take care,

 

Chris

[Ed Stander]

Bill:

Before you sign off, there are a couple of things you can do to appease the wife. While diamonds and such come to mind right off the bat, their cost might be prohibitive. A more logical thing to consider is installing felt baffles in the concertina ends. These soften the tone enormously, and sweeten it as well. I well remember my first days with banjo - the only thing that saved me was the baby diapers shoved in behind the head. Baffles do the same thing. Secondly - there is a difference between instruments. Old Wheatsones are a lot quieter than the newer varieties. Some are definitely not parlor instruments, while some are....

And finally - if all else fails, turn the wife's hearing aid down. That always works. BEst - Ed

Edited August 12, 2004 by Ed Stander

[Paul Groff]

Bill,

 

Another - I hope constructive -perspective... Have you tried getting lessons in an organized way from some teacher? That can really make a difference in how you sound to others, especially if you are learning your first instrument as an adult. Very often, adult beginners are "deaf" to their own mistakes (in attack, volume, tone, and rhythm as well as in the notes) and while they are enjoying their "hobby" their spouses are near suicide. A teacher can give you a perspective on these problems and set you to work on a small, defined project within your ability to perfect, so that others can honestly say "that sounds good!"

 

Also, it seems you bought an as-is instrument on ebay. I just took a look at your excellent photos, and I have to say some of the reeds are in a shocking condition, with evidence of very rough and uneven filing, corners filed off reed tongues, kinks in the high reeds, etc. I doubt anyone could make that instrument sound good without professional replacement of many of its reedtongues. Who did the tuning for you?

 

To all adult beginners - if you enjoy tinkering with playing (or repairing) concertinas, strictly in isolation from others, why not follow your own instincts and have fun as you would in some other hobby. But if it becomes important to you what others think of your music (even if at home), give yourself half a chance and invest in a decent, professionally restored instrument and some lessons.

 

Paul

[Aquarussell]

It's odd how things work out. My roommate flat told me I wasn't getting an Accordion, but that a Concertina was okay. I had orginally looked at an Anglo, but when that didn't work out a friend tried to sell me his old Accordion. Because of her insistance I am now learning to play a Jackie. Happily, too.

 

Perhaps you could find out what kind of instrument she would like to hear? I hear that the Ukelale is making a comeback. I even saw a Banjolale recently. Even the Harmonica has it's followers, for some reason the only widely accepted free-reed instrument. All very portable.

 

What does your wife want to do? Is there some common thing you two could learn together?

 

Good luck, and I hope it works out happily for both of you.

 

And you can visit here anytime, you don't have to be an active Concertina player to visit, I don't think. The people here ARE very friendly, aren't they?

 

Russell Hedges

"Aquarussell"

[jmyersgoucheredu]

Bill, you should have used my strategy. When I told my wife I wanted to play the bagpipes, she was quite willing to buy me a squeezebox.

 

You must really love her!

 

Jeff Myers

[megmcd]

Bill,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about the conflict between your music and your wife. But please don't give up hope for either one yet.

 

When I was a kid I loved the sound of many instruments, but I couldn't tolerate the sound of any violin or fiddle--live or recorded. I apparently was supersensitive to the higher frequencies that many people can't hear. Now that I'm in my forties I love the fiddle (especially when played by incredible Irish musicians). I think I can still hear more high frequencies than some folks, but my hearing seems to have become more "normal."

 

Of course I'm not suggesting you must wait for decades until your wife's hearing might fade! My point here is that perhaps there's a lower-pitched or more mellow-toned concertina (or other instrument) you can play. Can you persuade your wife to listen to you try different instruments, say, at a music store? I see that other people have already made some suggestions along these lines, but I wanted to validate from my own experience that some people really are extra-sensitive to certain frequencies--and there may still be a way to solve the conflict.

 

Good luck!

[Animaterra]

Add me to those who hope you can find some way to make music that your wife will tolerate or even enjoy! Maybe there's something you two could learn to play together- even something as simple as recorders- very pleasant and very different tone from the free reeds. making music together can be a wonderful way to build or deepen a relationship.

 

Best of luck!

[BillErickson]

Thanks for the consolations and suggestions. As for the suggestions -- well, many were already discussed with the wife and for various reasons don't seem to apply or aren't really workable here. But your responses are another fine example of what makes this such a great community!

 

Thanks again for your support!

 

Bill Erickson.

[Doug Anderson]

We had an issue with a neighbor when we lived in our last apartment. I bought a Schwab electric mandolin and plugged headphones into the amp. Not playing any instrument at all was not an option. If a family member had a problem with my concertinas I'd probably get the electric mandolin out again, or buy an electronic keyboard.

[BillErickson]

If a family member had a problem with my concertinas I'd probably get the electric mandolin out again, or buy an electronic keyboard.

 

Actually Doug, that's just what I'm doing. I'm switching back to an earlier interest in keyboards, since I can use headphones and save my wife the pain and hassle. Actually, the headphones aren't completely necessary, as she tells me she enjoys the keyboard much more. I've recently picked up a Yamaha PSR-2000 Arranger Keyboard from eBay and will focus my musical talents on that. But I will miss the portability that the concertina offered!

 

Regards,

 

Bill Erickson

Edited August 20, 2004 by BillErickson