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Spouse Vs Concertina


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I've got a problem that may seriously jeapardize my continued association with the concertina -- my wife. She admitted to me the other day that she hates my newly acquired English concertina -- I mean *really* hates it. I could tell from the beginning that she didn't seem happy about it, but I thought it was because of how I was stumbling around as I searched for the correct notes, or because some of the reeds are a little out of tune. She earlier had demonstrated an extreme dislike of the high notes (something about her cringing and facial expressions tipped me off), so I've tried to accomodate her by playing high passages down an octave when she's around. But after talking yesterday, she confided that she just flat-out hates the sound of the instrument. For me, the quaint sound of the concertina reeds was one of the things that appealed to me, so I'm having a tough time understanding how she views it as "the sound of a cat getting beaten with a stick."

 

Does anyone else have a similar problem? How have you dealt with it? I've taken to practicing in our car with the windows rolled up and the garage door shut, but with summer coming, it's going to get too hot out there! Any suggestions (short of divorce ;) )

 

Regards,

 

Bill Erickson

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Hello Bill

 

It's a tricky one. I'm in the same position as yourself. I bought mine about eighteen months ago and it's become horribly apparent my significant other really hates the sound too - as does my daughter and the cats. They usually indicate their disapproval by slamming doors or simply telling me to shut up (and that's just the cats). Mark will even walk up three flights of stairs to my loft workshop to demand silence. I was banished to the shed long ago with my bombarde and I fear it's not long before I'm out there with my box in the boxes. I've tried all sorts of music but it probably doesn't help that I can't play well nor remember a tune. Random twiddling (an essential part of my practice routine) is met with shouting. It's particularly grieving as I feel I've offered nothing but support to French Horn playing by Elly and Mark starting to play a very cheap Chinese fiddle.

 

The conclusion I've come to is that I love my concertina too much to mind and take myself off to somewhere where they can't hear me. (Inside the car during a traffic jam is a particular favourite of mine with the added bonus of being a long way away from the fiddle.) Moreover, when my students suggest I should get out more, I just point out that I do rather a lot!

 

Good Luck

 

Jill

 

PS I did try a large notice on the door with 'Love me, love my box' but it drew all manner of unseemly suggestions when we had visitors. :blink:

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Even though I've been learning and wrestling with an anglo the past ten months my sympathies lie with your wife, Bill. My family, the wife and the six year old, have the patience (and luck) of Job. I believe they have tolerated me only because I make a living playing music and they *know* my playing will improve (and it has). Nonetheless, I often sleep with one eye open lest they be tempted and succumb to the notion of tearing my arms off. I could tell from their looks the first three months that this particular solution was never far from their minds.

 

So much for my sympathy. Here are a few suggestions. As beginners we all play too loudly and at the edge of our control. But one of the things I tell my string students and something that Paul Groff was nice enough to emphasize is that slower, in rhythm and under control leads to better technique and faster progress. Try for finess rather than POWER and see how that is received.

 

I'm fortunate in that I have an empty house to practice in for part of the day. So I try and practice when the family is not around. If you can grab a 10 or 15 minute practice burst when the wife is on an errand, the benefits can exceed a marathon hour where you are fatigued for half the session. I take my concertina in the car.

After dropping the little one off at school I'll pull in a shady spot and go at it for 10 or 15. (Move to the passenger side where there is more room!)

 

Another 5 minute opportunity could be when your wife takes her shower.

 

Don't rule out bribes. Take her to the mall or bead shop or consignment store and tell her the first $20 is on you. Give her the money and then meet her after 20 minutes of practice in the car or park (Don't be late!)

 

You get the idea. Grab your practice opportunities and be creative.

 

Lastly, DO consider haveing your concertina tuned. As I recall it was an Ebay Lachenal with a bellows tear. Good potential and you got in at a fair price. If you can tell it needs tuning as you practice, then the listening world is begging for you to have the instrument "sweetened up".

 

I wish you and your wife the best. If it is any consolation I was 6 months into practicing before the six year old thought my rhythm was worth her dancing. I'm getting better. You will to if you can keep your wife from killing you during the early stages.

 

Regards, Greg

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Perhaps our other halves should start a support forum? :lol:

 

My wife tolerates my concertina playing. In the beginning she hated it and said it was far too loud. As I have got better at air control, I can now play quieter and she has grumbled less. I can also play a lot more recognisable tunes, rather than pulling and pushing randomly.

 

One thing I did that really helped was to get her to play guitar along with me occasionally, so she could see what I was trying to do. Also the fact I play for Morris regularly helps, as she understands why I need to practice.

 

To be honest listening to anyone practising any instrument is not pleasant. No one wants to listen to scales or arpeggios whether they are played on piano, guitar, violin or concertina.

 

Try to practise when no one else is around, and play quieter. :)

 

All the best,

 

Peter

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You think you've got problems! I've never really had trouble with my partner Anne, since she plays English concertina herself - though there have been a couple of Jeffries that have passed through my hands that she didn't like (something about the honk). Now she's taken up the fiddle, and I'm on the receiving end! :o

 

I am practising Buddhist detachment and tolerance for all things in the hope it will help :(

 

Chris

 

PS I have just read this to Anne, and she asks me to point out that on the rare occasions she hits the note it really sounds quite nice (true), and of course so far she's only had two lessons. So it should get better (touch forest).

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...after talking yesterday, she confided that she just flat-out hates the sound of the instrument.  For me, the quaint sound of the concertina reeds was one of the things that appealed to me, so I'm having a tough time understanding how she views it as "the sound of a cat getting beaten with a stick."

Different people have different tastes, sometimes radically different, and sharing one taste doesn't mean sharing all. In other words, you may indeed have a serious problem, and -- all joking aside -- you may have to give up the concertina to keep your wife. She has told you that it's not your playing, it's the sound of the instrument. While there's a possibility that she might eventually acquire a taste for it -- as many people do for "rotten" grain and grapes, certain cheeses, or salmiak (Danish licorice candies that also contain salt and ammonia), -- I don't think you can count on it. So what other hope is there?

 

An important question is, does she hate the sound of all concertinas, or just yours in particular? Does she also hate the sound of accordions? Harmonicas? In other words, is there a chance that the problem could be solved by your getting a different concertina?

 

It would be useful to get her reaction to the different tones of different concertinas, but that's difficult, short of dragging her to Witney or the NE Squeeze In, which might not be the best move under the circumstances. You might be able to do a small sample with the help of other local concertina players. But what about CD's of players like Alistair Anderson, Simon Thoumire, Dave Townsend, and the like? What is her reaction to their sounds? If she likes them, there may be hope, but if not....

 

Note that for that sort of experiment, CD quality is necessary, not MP3. Women typically have better high frequency hearing than men, and if the problem is high harmonics that you can't hear, they may also be removed by MP3 compression. Differences in high frequency hearing are often downplayed by those who are insenstitive in that range, but they can be serious. E.g., when a friend visited me at my office, she had to leave immediately, because the high-pitched whine from my computer terminal was causing her physical pain. I, on the other hand, couldn't even detect such a sound, though I tried.

 

Note that the problem may not be high harmonics; that's just one possibility. People react differently to different things, and it may be that your wife really can't tolerate the concertina sound, though I hope not. Fingernails on a blackboard don't bother me, but I know better than to make that sound around others.

 

So I wish you luck.

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We were discussing exactly the same subject at Royal Concertinas last night. Someones wife had said he didn't need a Jeffries AND a Dipper.

Mine said I didnt need a loud concertina (Wheatstone M/E) and a bloody loud one (Jeffries).

I am practising every opportunity I get when the rest are out of the room. As soon as the adverts come on or the program ends, everyone else dashes out to do something and out comes my box, and for that reason, my boxes live next to my chair, within easy reach, catches undone for a quick release.

As usual there are complaints about the noise as soon as they get back. They just don't understand and I don't care.

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This reminds me of a bumpersticker I saw that said something like, "My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't give up fishing. Sometimes I really miss her."

 

Seriously, though, I wonder if her lack of tolerance for the concertina might not be a physiological thing? I teach music to elementary school children. Sometimes I'll play a recording, or bring in a musician to demonstrate an instrument, and there are children who will cover their ears and bend over double in physical pain. Over the years I've discovered that there are children with a special auditory sensitivity to certain ranges, frequencies and pitches. There are a few things I can advise them to do in the short term, like chew gum (really! like when driving in the mountains or sitting in an airplane at liftoff- it eases the pressure) or yawn. Some of the kids develop a tolerance over the years (I get them from age 5 to 11). Some just do not.

 

Would your wife consider earplugs, the kind that filter sound, rather than block it? If her problem is physiological, it might help, especially if she's willing to be supportive but has come to you with the hard truth because she just can't bear it any more.

 

All of the other above suggestions are excellent. I wish you well- I can imagine the bind you're in and I hope you can work some kind of compromise with your wife!

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Over the years I've discovered that there are children with a special auditory sensitivity to certain ranges, frequencies and pitches.

I think there's some real truth in this. I normally force my parents to listen to me playing something when they visit; my mum has real trouble with high frequencies and won't stay in the same room if I'm playing a metal-ended instrument, whereas it doesn't bother my dad at all.

 

Another solution might be to fit some (pretty thick) baffles for your indoor practise - you could reduce (a) volume and (B) the harmonic spectrum of the instrument considerably by doing this.

 

I've wondered idly once or twice about having a go at making a "travel mute" to fit over fretwork, to act as a kind of external baffle, but have got no further than speculation really. Have any of our makers/experienced craftsmen attempted anything like this I wonder?

 

Cheers

Stuart

 

edited for accidental punctuation

Edited by stuart estell
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I've wondered idly once or twice about having a go at making a "travel mute" to fit over fretwork, to act as a kind of external baffle, but have got no further than speculation really. Have any of our makers/experienced craftsmen attempted anything like this I wonder?

Our member Ratface has done just that, not for "travel" purposes, but because he likes the more muted sound... a preference that I'm sure leaves some of our members baffled. :P Seriously, though, he has added velcro mounts so that the the baffles can be pressed on or peeled off with almost no effort..

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Hi Bill

 

Best wud be to practice when no one is around...5 min is better than none.

Do u have an extra room where u live that u can use only for urself...?

If so u may consider isolate the room like a "recording studio" which will reduce the

sound considerably...or even totally.

If u have a garage with extra space u may consider build an extra room inside.

 

U have to accept that ur wife may look at u just like a smoker. (say no more)

As I do smoke I have to be considerate enough to go outdoors

when smoking. I believe that is in fact ur best option here.

That way u are telling her that this is what u want which is playing concertina

If u do that for a limited time period every day she will accept it.

If she dont accept u going elsewhere playing then the problem is elsewhere.

 

Best

Allan

 

p.s I practise in the sauna....but I do not smoke in there (lol)

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Seriously, though, he has added velcro mounts so that the the baffles can be pressed on or peeled off with almost no effort..

I've always admired the ingenuity of the approach, but feel that the actual result is remarkably ugly. Still, it is a first effort. I wonder if there's a way of achieving the same result without the appearance problem. I must admit that my approach to fitting baffles, while easily undoable, is not quickly undoable.

 

Chris

 

PS Bob Copper famously countered the dislike of his wife for the sound of his concertina by resorting to wrapping it in a pair of trousers, shoving his arms down the legs to play it.

Edited by Chris Timson
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Does anyone else have a similar problem? How have you dealt with it?

I wonder if she'd like the sound of a bass concertina, over the higher-sounding treble?

 

Or, could you play some background noise that was either low-toned and bass-y, or maybe some of those environmental sounds....birds, ocean, etc...

 

I have a treble concertina and, as well, a high voice. For some reason, people seem to prefer lows over highs. Don't know why. But, anyway, I am lucky enough to get away from everyone to practice, when I need to.

 

I can't stand all the lows and the aggression of modern, popular 'music.' I feel assaulted, when I listen to it!

 

Not that I don't like low tones. In fact, I recently got a 'bass' bansuri flute, a large one. (Can't sing with it, though! ;) )

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PS Bob Copper famously countered the dislike of his wife for the sound of his concertina by resorting to wrapping it in a pair of trousers, shoving his arms down the legs to play it.

 

Brings a whole new meaning to the expression 'squeezing the leather ferret'!

 

Jill

 

Edited because, sadly, I'm neither punctuation literate or elegant either!

Edited by Wrigglefingers
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While I have experimented with internal baffles with some success, I have never seen external ones. The photos are interesting - what material are these baffles made of and how are they attached?

This might be a good solution to loud concertina practice. They are not offensive is appearance either.

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