Panic

[Alan Day]

This Evening I was appearing in Music Hall (Sqeezable Alan Day )

A lovely introduction and there I was standing in front of about one hundred people waiting for me to entertain them.

I reached down to open my concertina box (one I rarely use) and it was locked !! It has a four digit roller lock with numbers.

I must have somehow locked it, but my mind was working overtime what the hell was the number to unlock it.

Luckily I saw the funny side and most thought it was part of the act, Someone rushed over with some reading glasses to much amusement.I told a joke to give me more time. With sheer luck I rolled four noughts and it opened,to much applause.

Thank goodness I played OK to round off a funny act that was not meant to be funny at all.

Great evening.

Al

[saguaro_squeezer]

Sounds like a good save, Alan!

[Greg Jowaisas]

Al,

This is why you always need to have a miniature/midget on standby in your coat pocket!

Heart insurance.

 

Greg

[Chris Drinkwater]

If it got a laugh, why not make it a feature of your act, from now on, Al? I hope you remembered to return the reading glasses, though.

 

Chris

[michael sam wild]

Clown costume, big shoes, 'I'm taking this case to the small claims court 'etc etc' It'll have 'em rolling in the aisles

[Ptarmigan]

Hey Alan,

 

If you keep your extensive collection of rare & precious Concertinas in a large Safe or Strong Box at home, I trust you have a more imaginative Code to protect the lock, than .... "four noughts"!

[Rod]

This Evening I was appearing in Music Hall (Sqeezable Alan Day )

A lovely introduction and there I was standing in front of about one hundred people waiting for me to entertain them.

I reached down to open my concertina box (one I rarely use) and it was locked !! It has a four digit roller lock with numbers.

I must have somehow locked it, but my mind was working overtime what the hell was the number to unlock it.

Luckily I saw the funny side and most thought it was part of the act, Someone rushed over with some reading glasses to much amusement.I told a joke to give me more time. With sheer luck I rolled four noughts and it opened,to much applause.

Thank goodness I played OK to round off a funny act that was not meant to be funny at all.

Great evening.

Al

 

Reminds me of the band-mate, a trumpeter, who was detailed to report for Remembrance Day Sunday Service to play 'The Last Post'. His instrument case was so battered and worn that both ends of the instrument protruded. "Never mind" he said, "If I over-sleep, cut it too fine and arrive at the very last minute I can always play it in the case".

[Alan Day]

The joke I told was

 

Knock Knock on the door

Hallo I am a Jehovah Witness

Are You, come on in and sit yourself down.

Now what would you like to talk to me about ?

I don't know I have never got this far before.

 

My apologies to my JW friends (and anyone else) who do not like the joke.

The Audience thought it was funny.

Al

[JimLucas]

This Evening I was appearing in Music Hall (Sqeezable Alan Day )

A lovely introduction and there I was standing in front of about one hundred people waiting for me to entertain them.

I reached down to open my concertina box (one I rarely use) and it was locked !! It has a four digit roller lock with numbers.

I must have somehow locked it, but my mind was working overtime what the hell was the number to unlock it.

Luckily I saw the funny side and most thought it was part of the act, Someone rushed over with some reading glasses to much amusement.I told a joke to give me more time. With sheer luck I rolled four noughts and it opened,to much applause.

Thank goodness I played OK to round off a funny act that was not meant to be funny at all.

Pity 'tis.

Sounds as if it was a fine performance, yet in the end... it all went four nought.

[Alan Day]

This Evening I was appearing in Music Hall (Sqeezable Alan Day )

A lovely introduction and there I was standing in front of about one hundred people waiting for me to entertain them.

I reached down to open my concertina box (one I rarely use) and it was locked !! It has a four digit roller lock with numbers.

I must have somehow locked it, but my mind was working overtime what the hell was the number to unlock it.

Luckily I saw the funny side and most thought it was part of the act, Someone rushed over with some reading glasses to much amusement.I told a joke to give me more time. With sheer luck I rolled four noughts and it opened,to much applause.

Thank goodness I played OK to round off a funny act that was not meant to be funny at all.

Pity 'tis.

Sounds as if it was a fine performance, yet in the end... it all went four nought.

Clever one Jim

Al

[RAc]

Hey Alan,

 

If you keep your extensive collection of rare & precious Concertinas in a large Safe or Strong Box at home, I trust you have a more imaginative Code to protect the lock, than .... "four noughts"!

 

why... as an attempt for an honorable rescue of Alan, may I suggest that since he hadn't used that case lock before, it was still on factory settings (which happened to be nought^4)?

 

Thanks heavens it wasn't an electronic system running on a certain operating system of questionable reputation...

[Ptarmigan]

why... as an attempt for an honorable rescue of Alan, may I suggest that since he hadn't used that case lock before, it was still on factory settings (which happened to be nought^4)?

 

Oh I know Ruediger, I was just funnin'.

Cheers

Dick

[Will Fly]

Well you'd better get it right on Friday, Al - I shan't be best pleased if you lock up your boxes on our guest night! Typical!

 

The other nice posters on this thread and on Concertina.net in general don't know how much I have to put with from Al - the zimmer frame at gigs, the incontinence trousers, the mumbling, the incoherence. And that's just me!

[Brian Peters]

Congratulations, Alan, you've just lived out my No. 1 Anxiety Dream! I'm arriving onstage with an expectant crowd in front of me, then when I get there I realise I've forgotten / lost my instrument, or brought the wrong one. Once I did actually dream I couldn't open the case. Full marks toou, recovering in time to turn in a good performance!

[JimLucas]

Congratulations, Alan, you've just lived out my No. 1 Anxiety Dream! I'm arriving onstage with an expectant crowd in front of me, then when I get there I realise I've forgotten / lost my instrument, or brought the wrong one. Once I did actually dream I couldn't open the case. Full marks toou, recovering in time to turn in a good performance!

Reminds me of what happened many years ago to one friend (whom I won't name), who came to New York City for a gig:

 

He stopped at a little restaurant for a quick bite to eat.

 

He came out of the restaurant to discover that his improperly parked car had been towed away by The City... instruments and all!

 

Before the performance he had neither the time nor cash in hand to try to locate the car and pay the ransom.

 

But... he was able to borrow both a guitar and a concertina from folks who came to hear him sing and play.

 

So the gig went off OK, and he was able to retrieve his car and instruments the next day.

 

(His net earnings for the gig were rather less than anticipated, though.

)

[Alan Day]

Well you'd better get it right on Friday, Al - I shan't be best pleased if you lock up your boxes on our guest night! Typical!

 

The other nice posters on this thread and on Concertina.net in general don't know how much I have to put with from Al - the zimmer frame at gigs, the incontinence trousers, the mumbling, the incoherence. And that's just me!

I did warn you,

but you didn't warn me !!

Al

[Alan Day]

Congratulations, Alan, you've just lived out my No. 1 Anxiety Dream! I'm arriving onstage with an expectant crowd in front of me, then when I get there I realise I've forgotten / lost my instrument, or brought the wrong one. Once I did actually dream I couldn't open the case. Full marks toou, recovering in time to turn in a good performance!

I get similar ones Brian ,but my box is where I am playing and I am lost in the city trying to get back to it.(Senility ?)

I never forget when I was backstage with JK and he opened his concertina box and there was nothing in it.I said to the chap standing next to me that it was my worst dream and he said he would make a note of it as he analysed dreams.

JK did not panic ,he remembered taking it out and putting it on stage. It took me a while to get over it however.

Al

[Dirge]

Thanks for the 'witness' joke Al; I've used it several times already with great success.

 

I think the others are right; you should make a bit of 'business' from it. Give your concertina to someone in the audience quietly. Come on, build up to 'getting out your instrument'. Fail. Spend a 1/4 hr fighting the empty box. Drop kick it into the wings in disgust then ask hopelessly 'Does anyone in the audience have a concertina I can borrow?'. The holder brings it up to the stage. Then he can tie you up for the escapology bit...