Does a doctor take apart a concertina to make sure all is ok and remove anything nasty he may find inside?
Does a interior designer buy a concertina with a certain bellows colour so it matches the wallpaper?
Does a metallurgist take out all the reeds and springs to analise the metal content and test for hairline cracks?
Does a nurse wrap up her concertina in a cloth and say goodnight before closing the box lid?
Does an artist stand and look at the fretwork and papers design before playing?
Does a Librarian catalogue all the tunes and players in alphabetical order?

Who have I missed.
Al (Having a silly five minutes)

A CPA tries to account for timing.

Kimberly (a CPA)

Maybe Al should take a short holiday... to where he can have a Scilly five minutes.


Does a lawyer cross-examine his concertina before playing?

>Who have I missed.

A politician uses only hot air in the bellows.

A manipulative child pushes other people's buttons.

Would twins play only duets?

Computer programmers - they press all the buttons in an apparently random fashion, then with an expression of childish glee, exclaim "WATCH WHAT THIS DOES!!!"

And loan sharks only squeeze.
(They play those push-only basses with the "gills"?)
They release the pressure only when you pay, "pal".


[Edited to add the final pun. ]

A teacher would only play when they have "our best attention", and ask questions about it afterwards.

A midwife would instruct us to "PUSH" all the time.

Er.. A fisherman would play reels and crans.

Do American Republicans play only instruments with bushed buttons?
And Democrats... unbushed?
Do Republican Irish-Americans refuse to play Kerry polkas and slides?
Do environmentalist concertinists insist on green bellows?
Do train workers avoid the English because it doesn't have "rails"?
Do fishermen only play Crabbs?
Do millers only play Wheatstones?
A psychiatrist would first try to determine whether the concertina really wanted to be played.
How many light bulb changers does it take to play a concertina?
Do horticulturists favor rosewood ends?
Does Alan Day ever play at night?
Do concertina-playing grotesques look down on the rest of us?

Yachtsmen do it with plenty of wind?

Oh and by the way, Hi to everyone. This is my first post.

Let's hope it's not your last.
Considering your handle here and the current discussion about the ages of concertina players, I wonder how old you are and how long you've been playing.

Do Dentists extract all the buttons and then charge a fortune for putting them back?
Do Robotics Engineers make the concertina play itself?
Do Judges weigh up the facts and put the concertina back in the box?
Al

>Oh and by the way, Hi to everyone. This is my first post

One of my occasional bands is called "Squeezer, Geezer and Kerr." I'm not the geezer, although technically I qualify.

Sqeezer Geezer and Kerr
With a name like that you should do a sand dance as well.
Al

>sand dance as well.

IS that something you do at the beach?

Actually, we like the name because it sounded like a law firm.

Do therapists ask how does that make you feel?

Do doctors ask you to open wide? (the bellows)

I am still chuckling over does Alan Day play at night.

Helen

Did you notice Helen that I did not reply.
I do not wish to add to the evidence.
Al

Circumstantial evidence: He replied at night, his time.
He must have been out playing during the day.

Do priests and preachers pray that they'll press the right buttons?
And if they hit a bum note, does that mean their faith wasn't strong enough?

Are Nuns more likely to develop bad habits on the concertina?


BTW, this is one of the funniest and most refreshing threads I've ever read. This is going to keep me chuckling unexpectedly for days to come.
Thanks to everyone with too much free time.

Is Wendy (me) just WIND bag....and, maybe that's a good thing, when it comes to keeping the bellows blowing?

And a home handyman plays a duet-yourself concertina?
Candle makers play only Dippers.
Bandits play only bandoneons.
Jackie Chan insists on a concertina with fast action.
Emergency service workers demand quick response from theirs.
One fashion designer tried substituting velcro for the buttons, but the notes kept sticking.
Steven Spielberg must play a Gremlin.

Does your local library have a special 'reeding' room for concertina players?
Demand your Constitutional right to a free press (and draw)!

O dear, I am actually a parson - and I do hit them bum notes quite often. Now I'm in a deep crisis - my faith is not strong enough?
Downstairs I go now to fetch my concertina for an hour or two of hard praying ...

Claus ("Reverend" )

"Reverend" Claus, but not "Saint" (Santa) Claus?
Rats! I was going to ask you to bring me a few nice instruments for Christmas.

I talk to my Molly ... now how do you call that ?

(maybe I should ask HER)

Dialect disconnect. "Molly"?
A tropical fish, or something else?

Molly is my concertina

(Btw I am not a psychiatrist)

Do Naturists have problems with bellows?
Do Contortionists play with both hands through the same wrist strap?
Do Balloonists fill up their concertinas with Helium and play on the ceiling?
Al

Bah humbug! I'll keep them all for myself .
But then again, wouldn't a little Christmas session be nice?

Rev. Claus (the one with a touch of identity crisis now ... )

Do an octopus and a spider play only Æolas?
My parrot has never played concertina, but I'll bet he could wing it.

I have a cheap (Chinese made, I believe) accordion that has the manufacturers name 'Parrot'. So...Your parrot could play a Parrot (and probably get the bird).

Does a concertina think it will grow up to be a melodion?
Al

If not, it could always buy a huge-number-of-buttons anglo, and instead of replacing novelty bird whistle buttons with extra notes, replace all the notes with novelty bird whistles

Actually, a concertina comprised entirely of novelty buttons would be fantastic. It would be the most expensive Early Learning toy money could buy

Do millers play Wheat-stones?

Is it a perversion to like a Lash- enal?

Do you have to be Welsh to play a Jones?

Do only L.M.S.R. enthusiasts play Crabs?

How many undestood the last one?

Robin Madge

Would a gynaecologist mend his concertina through the letter box?
When barristers play the concertina is it dis-tort-ed?
(No Viennese jokes from lovers of chocolate about being dis-torte-d)

Do lorry-drivers play truc-ulently?

Do concertina makers have to go into therapy if they fret too much?

Concertinas always speak in tongues.

Members of the underground resistance remove one screw from the end of their concertina, to make sure they always have a bolthole ready.

Then there was the anglo player who tried unsuccessfully to live off his music. He was always strapped for funds.

And the fat man who took up the melodeon, because he felt he needed something diet-tonic.

Are public library users prticularly fond of the concertina because its another free read?

Of course not - it thinks melodions will never grow up

Loan sharks pull a fast one then squeeze you hard.

- John

Do plumber's bellows never leak?

Are a group of accomplished concertina players jolly good bellows?

Are a group of bad concertina players bellow-standard?

Reminds me of a joke I heard from Robert Harbron:
... What's the difference between a melodeon player and a human sperm.?
............. The human sperm has a 1-in-10 million chance of becoming a human being.

Do Politicians want us to play the concertina at all?
Well "Yes",but on the other hand "No"
Al

At the next election, vote for the melodeon players... then we'll set about having a "hung" parliament

Do accountants play the concertina like a calculator?

If Henry the Eighth had had a concertina that he could not play,would he have had one of the ends cut off?

Would a fast food worker play the concertina with a bag of chips next to them?

When the Astronauts were bouncing on the moon did they have a concertina strapped to each foot ?

Al Now I am being silly!!

In a vacuum? Whatever for?!

No we do not! I expect the concertina to produce the right result.

I suppose there could be a use for a concertina with an LED display, or maybe a printing concertina that could print out the tune you just played.

- John

Accountants play only double-entryaction concertinas.

OK then John, do Concertina players play tunes on their calculators ?
Al

Unfortunately the tapping sound is the same note on each button.

I have seen a tune played on a mobile phone

- John