13 replies to this topic

[Dirge]

I'm pleased to tell you I have some 'friends', in the 'Cnet' official sort of way.

It's very flattering (and thank you, my friends) But what is that about? Why should you be anyone's friend?

[Leonard]

I'm pleased to tell you I have some 'friends', in the 'Cnet' official sort of way.

It's very flattering (and thank you, my friends) But what is that about? Why should you be anyone's friend?

Wasn't it Charley Brown who said: "I need all the friends I can get"?

[Alan Day]

Well I am happy to be any ones friend,the strange thing is that on Facebook, when I first joined,people I had not seen in years asked to be my friend. I liked that and considered it great that some of them actually remembered me. So I wrote to them. Did I get a reply ? Mostly no. When I looked at their page they had hundreds of "friends" . One woman I know has over four thousand. Does that strike you as being odd ?
There are of course many genuine friends on there and on here and I appreciate their friendship and support.
As for Dirge he can be a grumpy old so and so sometimes ,but he is still a good friend.
Al

[JimLucas]

I'm pleased to tell you I have some 'friends', in the 'Cnet' official sort of way.

It's very flattering (and thank you, my friends) But what is that about? Why should you be anyone's friend?

There are a number of folks here on Concertina.net that I consider to be my friends.

But note that I didn't say, "... that I count among my friends."

I don't count my friends. Nor do I feel a need to formally declare a "friendship", much less publish the banns, as it were, to the world at large.

Why should anyone who isn't an actual friend care who my other friends are? And why would I want them to know? To me, friendship is a private thing.

Well, I know that at least for some people it's not about friendship at all. It's a competition to see who can compile the most impressive list of declared "friends". I dislike the idea.

I'm pleased if someone thinks enough of the Jim Lucas who appears here to say that they want to be my friend, but I don't support the concept of keeping a public list of declared "friends", so I don't "accept" such offers or otherwise participate in the process.

But that's me.

As the saying goes, "Your mileage may differ."

[michael sam wild]

I find it strange when I actually meet chatty c.net members who seem to be indifferent to getting to know a real person, or is it just shyness or social diffidence on their part -or do I turn them off? My son calls them 'web warriors'

I think on line 'friendship' is quite superficial and agree with Alan.

[anlej]

I'll only ask someone if I can add them to my 'online Cnet friends list' if I've met them in real life or had a long 'online' exchange of posts with them Quality rather than quantity

[JimLucas]

I'll only ask someone if I can add them to my 'online Cnet friends list' if I've met them in real life or had a long 'online' exchange of posts with them

But if you already know them that well, where's the need for posting the fact online?

[TomB-R]

To be fair, on discussion boards that have more members and more postings than this one (excellent though it is,) "friends" are one way of keeping track of comments by members who's posts one likes to read. Also handy if most other members are in a different time zone.

Having said that, I don't use the function like that anywhere!

[anlej]

I'll only ask someone if I can add them to my 'online Cnet friends list' if I've met them in real life or had a long 'online' exchange of posts with them

But if you already know them that well, where's the need for posting the fact online?

I keep my 'friends list' private anyone looking at my profile can't see it but I use it to catch up on what people have been posting and if I need to 'pm/e-mail' anyone the link is easy to find

[Dieppe]

It's funny, but there's a member of C.net who actually lives in the *SAME* condo complex as I do! (Though not the same building, cause that'd be too unlikely!)

We've never met in person, though we've shared a few emails. I'm never pushed any "Hey, I should walk over to your building with my concertina and say 'Hi' in person!" thing, and neither have they. So... about the only people I've met from here is Noel Hill and a few other C.netters at a Noel Hill concert. Go figure, eh?

Patrick

Edited by Dieppe, 15 October 2010 - 07:10 PM.

[fidjit]

Friend =
a) A person whose company, interests and attitudes one finds sympathetic and to whom is not closely related.

An acquaintance, people with whom one is acquainted.

Acquaint = To make familiar with.

c.net and Facebook friends are really just, I would call acquaintances.

I am familiar with you all, but my friends are really just a very select handfull.

Sorry not to have been around for a while,(None of my friends missed me)but I've been busy with that other squeeze box thingy.
Chas

[Anglo-Irishman]

The use of "friend" in social networks is just another example of the dependence of computer parlance on metaphors. The computer was such a radical step in the development of office organisation, and with the PC of personal correspondance, that existing words were used from the start to help us to understand the concepts.
For instance, a printer was originally a person who operated a printing press, producing books, newspapers, placads etc. A file was a card folder that we collected related, written information in. And a manager was a person who supervised the work of other people.
We old folks know that these metaphors are only approximate. What is today called a printer does not correspond to the old tradesman, but merely to his printing-press. And the I/O manger doesn't make business decisions - it just sees to out that your decisions are implemented.

Young folks often don't realise this. Very often, it doesn't matter, because the metaphorical meaning has almost completely replaced the literal meaning. You can edit your files and send them to the printer without thinking metaphorically.

However, "friend" (or, in AOL, "buddy") is a relatively new IT term. The word is still widely used to designate a person with whom one has a special personal relationship. In social networks, however, it appears to be used metaphorically for people who have been granted wider access rights to your information. (In real life, you'd tell a friend things that you wouldn't reveal to a stranger.)
Herein lies the danger for the young, naive Internet user. The notion of terms being used metaphorically in a narrower sense than the literal use of the word is no longer familiar, so all the positive things that are said about (real-life) friendship are transferred to the category of persons to whom you have given wider access rights to your information. The connotation of the "special personal relationship" is not included in the Internet "friend" metaphor. It is apparently very easy for some people to overlook the difference between literal and metaphorical friendship, and to think that their social behaviour must be impeccable and their character positively charismatic if they have as many friends as Facebook says they have.

I see an urgent need for language education in this area - starting right in pimary school, because surfers (metaphorically speaking) are getting younger all the time!

Cheers,
John

[Ruediger R. Asche]

...

I see an urgent need for language education in this area - starting right in pimary school, because surfers (metaphorically speaking) are getting younger all the time!

why John, you certainly *are* a language wizard...

without wanting to argue with you - I basically agree with all you write -, I sort of don't see where the "education" process comes in. Language interpretation is not a prescriptive but a descriptive thing; whatever people use words for at any time *is* their meaning... you have lived in Germany long enough to understand, for example, the complete change of meaning that a word like "geil" has undergone. Although the term will have certain connotations with folks our age (or 40 and up for that matter), it is as generic as "gee whiz" to today's kids (probably as outdated as well).

Sooo, what you probably wanted to express (just a feeble attempt of mine to paraphrase) is that we have to watch out that the "old" meaning of a word like friendship should have a distinct word in today's language to clearly distinguish it from the obfuscated meaning it has taken up in cyberworld - and thus ensure that what we understand as (first-life) friendship endures undigitalized?

Funny (and worth mentioning in this context), though, that I get to converse with you (and show my respect to you) mostly via our keyboards even though we only live an hour's drive away from each other? ;-)

P.S. May be an old hat, but I still like this definition best:

Friends help you move. Good friends help you move bodies.

Edited by Ruediger R. Asche, 09 May 2011 - 07:39 AM.

[Anglo-Irishman]

whatever people use words for at any time *is* their meaning...

Rüdiger,

True!
That's why computer terms like "file" and "printer" are no problem - their new meaning is well established, their old one forgotten by all.

The dangerous terms are the emerging ones, which are still in literal use (usually by older people) and already in metaphorical use (usually by younger people) at the same time. The education consists in making children aware that a word can be used in two different senses, and that it's important not to confuse them. We can then point to individual words, e.g. "friend", and say, "That's one of those words - be careful!"
"Friend" will soon become harmless, and be replaced by something else, but they'll have grasped the principle.

We learned the terms "metaphor" and "simile" in primay school (back in the 1950s), but I believe such terms have come into disuse at that level these days. Perhaps what is more important today is to prepare the children for rapid change - including rapid shifts in semantics!

Cheers,
John

PS. The Crane Duet accompaniment to your "Grandparent Song" is coming along nicely, but won't be ready for the Amtsgericht tomorrow. By the next Amtsgericht session in July, I'll be officially a pensioner, so I might find the to work up a Crane set for that.
J.